Well That Was Difficult

I was giddy about using the Leica M9 at the milonga. More giddy than dancing. There was a time, when I couldn't wait to get to a milonga (EARLY!) to dance the night away. And now, I find myself more and more preferring to stay behind the lens, to practice my craft... For years, the embraces with beautiful women, the hauntingly beautiful music, and the endless gliding steps around the dance floor, brought so much pleasure, peace... And now, passions change, I suppose...

I knew the tango scene would be difficult for the M9. And the images, to my dismay, reflected the challenges I forced upon the machine, which had left my jaws on the floor, earlier in the morning, with the bright white white sunlight into my home, and the images that I captured of my family. But I had to find out...

I had the 40mm Summicron-C at the widest f2 aperture; I dared pushed the ISO to 2000, and I had little choice but to slow the shutter down to 1/15 second... It was just... not easy.

As I worked through the images, after the milonga, late into the night, my excitement turned to dismay. "Oh well, what do I do now??" I thought about the Sony A7s, and I was surprised at myself, "come on, you DON'T LIKE its appearance, its 'too many-ness.' Why do you keep forgetting that?"

It was the first real night out, with my M9. I don't know it yet. My fingers don't know where to go yet. In time, I will find the sweet spot, the way that the M9 wants to remember those moments in the night.

Acceptance?

infatuation

Love at first sight...

I waited a very long time, having tried dozens of cameras... Once even owned the Leica M8, but it wasn't my time to understand it. Finally, the decision came down to (remember, earlier, I mentioned that I had a pot of money, because I sold a bunch of cameras?) the Sony A7s or the Leica M9.

The A7s would make my tango photography much much easier. But I did not enjoy the A7. There were too many buttons, too many this, too many that... The M8... well, it was a difficult camera to love, even though the beauty rendered (at base ISO) left me breathless...

I thought it was clunky, too thick for me to hold. I traded it away for a Nikon D800...

My friends know that I am vain, very. And deep inside, I wanted to brag that "I" took the images. I wanted to know that my photos, good or bad, were because of me, and not because of some fancy feature on a camera. I wanted people to associate the photo to me, and not to the fancy camera. OK, I know that I don't really "own" the photo, I need the machine. I just... well, I hope you know what I mean...

Anyway, I wavered, on an M9 (well-used, beaten-up, lots of brassing), and lost out to another buyer. And I was super sad. And then Christian posted his M9 and 40mm Summicron-C on the for-sale board. I could no longer resist. But I changed my mind. Perhaps the A7s would be more sane, more reasonable, more "correct." I told him that I couldn't do it. He understood. I knew he would understand my anguish. Anyway, we wished each other well... Within the hour, I wrote back and told him I was sending him the money.

I COULD NOT WAIT to try the camera. I pointed it at ridiculous objects.

And robots.

And Irina...

And Max...

You know what's crazy? Straight out of camera, no alterations (except crop).

I love the giddiness I feel. I love the feeling very much.