As If Breathing

My friends ask me about my photographs: "what happened to you these past 2 months?" I am so glad that they (and others) noticed... I am not going to tell you what they said, because... it's embarrassing to hear good words about my work*

A good number of writers on photography (on the internet) insist that only the best work should be presented in online galleries. I agree with them. It is a good discipline. I don't do that, not because I don't have discipline. Well OK I have issues with discipline. But more important to me is to remember my transformations. I want to share my development with my friends. I want them to see how I evolve. I want them to see my missteps and my experiments.

I think about photography day and night. I imagine ideas. I think about techniques. I used to think about Judo day and night. Before that I used to think about cooking day and night. After Judo I thought about Tango day and night. So, yeah... I am obsessive.

A few nights ago, I stared outside my window, into the icy rain, and I HAD to capture the icicles. So, I grabbed my camera, and took this, and posted it onto 500px. Only to remove it 10 minutes later.

What a fucking moron I was. I had no business showing this photo. 1/4 second, ISO 1600, hand-held, no vibration reduction?? That's just plain stupid. I was angry at myself. So, I yanked it out, and tried again. This time, with more seriousness.

That got me thinking a lot about long exposure time. So I started to play.

Yes, yawn. Here is the thing: EVERYONE has to go through it. I had never gone through this phase. So I had to. I didn't have a choice. I had to do it. So, stupid, yet so necessary.

And then, I went to the milonga.

I also took a few "normal" shots.

Still, look at the settings in these last two photographs. 1/15 second, hand-held...

Anyway, what the hell is happening to me? I gave my friends very very very long answers. The short version is that, photography has become closer to... breathing.

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* Long story. Let's just say that I am still striving to prove that I am worthy..

Towards Light

I cannot express enough love for my gorgeous Fuji X100...

... with the adorable Snow Peak Mini Hozuki Lantern...

On the Eve of Acquiring a Leica M9

I am about to bought a Leica M9. Long story, another time. A nutty story..

Anyway, I took out my Fuji X100 to the 18th Street Lounge Milonga. I am beginning to understand it, to understand the meaning behind the symbols in the viewfinder.

Last week, Jake (at Eastern Market Tango Club) asked me about my photographs from 2 weeks ago... I said, "well, I used my $100 camera... and my $4000 camera." He laughed and laughed and laughed. "But more importantly," I said, "I realized, fuck realism." He nodded. He, a poet, translator, dancer, understood me.

Early last year, fed up that I was not growing, that I was creating more of the same, I told him that I was going to stop taking photos at Eastern Market, that I felt stale. I was bored. Jake told me, "Do whatever you want to do with your photography here. This is your place to explore. You are always exploring and challenging yourself (and other things that he told me that I am not going to bore you with)..."

So I stuck with it. I looked for new ways to grow. I looked for my true self (oh my.. so trite, but, I was really trying to understand "art," when I had been, my entire life, "engineer.")

Anyways, I have been on this, "fuck it" mentality. I shot, with absolute care-free mind...

I shot, believing that what I did with my camera was justifiably mine.

I pointed my camera into the space before me. I saw the dancers, and I believed in myself.

My Poor Family and Cameras Everywhere in the House

My poor family... Any time, anywhere, if I think a moment is interesting, or BETTER YET, an imminent moment will SURELY be INTERESTING, then, snap snap snap away... I have a camera everywhere in my home. I am ALWAYS ready. I am always thinking about the cameras and what settings they are on, so that I can spring into action, at a moment's notice.

My poor family. They accomodate my silliness. Sometimes they yell at me to shoo me away. Sometimes they yell at me, to get me to capture a moment. Mostly, I am Mr Normal and Crazy Photographer, and they never know when the Crazy Photographer* will pop up.

And just to spice it up. I have my cameras on manual focus mode. Because, well, that legitimizes my self-label of an enthusiast. No self-respecting camera-junkie shoots in (intelligent) auto mode. No no no, it has to be creatively manual.

I love the Fuji X100 so much that I sold it and then bought it again. I hated it so much that I sold the first one. But I missed it so much, its body so beautiful, so clearly a CAMERA, that I bought the Fuji X100s... twice. And then, I had a one-night stand with the Fuji X100t... A ridiculous way to tell you that I am completely irrational when I see a beautiful camera. I have reunited with the X100, my second X100. And I love to stare at it.. and the cute red button I added, to add a touch of color.

Because I have owned so many cameras, and now still have so many, I found a sneaky way to own more: I buy prior-generation-but-still-awesome cameras at ridiculously low prices, and give them to my friends... I tell you this because, after I got my (second-chance) Fuji X100, I saw another one that had an insignificant flaw, for a good price, and I almost bought it, until I REALLY looked at the body, and I smacked myself. The Fuji X100 does not have an obvious "auto mode." Once, a friend, on seeing a precious moment, grabbed it, to capture the moment, and then realized that she had no idea how to use it. Oh... I have come a very very long way, from not understanding anything about cameras and what they do...