Ask Me If I Care About The High ISO Artifacts

Let me just declare, again, I love my Leica M9. The experience is so pure, so satisfying, so... mechanically direct, that I (almost) don't care about the end result, the photographs. Why bother using a $4,000 (used price) camera and lens, to take photos? Right right right?

The experience.

Anyway, I brought the M9 + Summicron-C to the 18th Street Lounge Milonga, knowing that it was going to be too dark. Still, I said to myself, "I don't care, I am going to enjoy pressing the delicious shutter.*"

Look at the settings... These were dancers (MOVING!), and I was shooting at ridiculously long shutter speeds. And look at all the artifacts.

And the banding...

You know what? I would rather that I remembered these moments, no matter how crudely they were recorded, than not having memories of the night.


* Actually, I cursed. I curse all the time.

Spending Time With Every Camera

I made sure to have the Fuji X100 in the car, because the night before, I saw the spot by the dam, and I wanted to try again. A few weeks ago, I had captured the scene using my Pentax Q. I was not happy about it. So when the snow blanketed the ground again, it was time.

Sticks in the Snow by jaime montemayor on 500px

And then, I saw the Leica-T on my shelf. I had not played with it for a few weeks. I pointed it at everything in my home, my family, the flowers*, the pickled olives (for dinner), snap snap snap.

I was drooling over a bunch of Leica M-mount lenses all day long, and I wondered: "you freaking moron... look what you already have to play with."

So that you can appreciate what I do with my time, when I am not at work, not dancing, not being part of my family, not grappling (oh right I also do that), not sleeping, not eating, last night, I shot the trees-in-the-snow during the drive home, I shot the flowers (with the Leica-T) during dinner, and I shot some pictures of my family, using the Nikon 1 V2 with the 10-100mm PD that I received in the mail yesterday.

Right...

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* I know that you might be distracted by the artifacts... But, if you have read my other posts, you might know that, to me, the experience of shooting must (in itself) be pleasurable, and so important to me, that I would prefer to NOT use a camera that does not "turn me on" just to capture a superior image.

Sunday Morning Ritual

Sunday mornings are mine. I take an hour for myself, and I don't think about my duties, responsibilities, and obligations. It has been (surprisingly) very difficult for me to take "time away." I feel guilty. Still, this precious hour, between 8AM and 9AM, for me to do whatever I want, has been a practice, for me to take care of myself. Inevitably, some time around 8:30AM, I realize that I am alone, that I begin to tear up. Don't ask me why. Maybe you know the reason. I don't. For now, it is enough that I am developing the discipline to rest.

I am at the coffee house. There are few people there. Unlike Saturday mornings, when lines form early. Sundays are far more quiet, calm, serene... at 8AM.

I like it this way. Very much.

I read. I play with my camera. I eat gluten-free muffin. I drink coffee. I remember to breath. I don't know why it is so difficult for me to relax. I just know that I realize that I stop holding my breath, about twenty minutes into my visit.

My time ends. And I return to my duties. On Sunday mornings, I buy vegetables at Dupont Circle. Except, this morning, there was hardly anyone there. Most vendors stayed home, from the frigid cold. This newspaper salesperson is not going to have a good day...

I cannot get enough of capturing images. So desperate, that I will take pictures of anything and everything. I HAVE TO. It's an obsession...

Ready, Even in the Car

Driving is no longer a mindless interval between events. My eyes scan. My Pentax Q (aDorable!) is in the passenger seat. I am still angry at myself for spotting something, wavering, and driving past, until it is too late. Lazy...

But sometimes I force myself to be diligent...

I cannot tell you how often I see night time construction (there are LOTs of repair work after midnight. How do I know? Come on, I am tanguero) that are so fascinating, and... SO MUCH LIGHT for awesome contrast... only to drive past, because, well, lazy. But, this time, my camera is RIGHT THERE, so, even as I fumble through the settings, I still got my practice shots in.

Anyway, now, I actually look forward to being in the car!

It's OK To Be Vague, As Long As...

On my way home from the medical appointment, giddy with good news, I began to capture scenes on my M9. The next day, when I put the card into my computer, nothing. I had done something, I don't know what, but, nothing that I snapped was saved to the card. I was only mildly upset. Were I paid to produce work, I would have thrown the M9 against a wall...

Anyway, I am learning to understand it. I stay at ISO 800, and f2, at the milongas. I often set shutter speed at 1/30 or even 1/15. And even then, I need to pull exposure in Lightroom to see anything.

This would have been my 4th time out with the M9, to a milonga. I felt more confident. I knew what I could get out of the camera, at those settings. So I started to look around. Dasha was the DJ of the night. I love her selection, so romantic... She hinted that she was ready for a new "DJ" profile picture. I was very giddy...

And the mischievous in me thought: oh look the only way that I can post crazy photos, is if I also post "normal" photos. And this IS A NORMAL PHOTO!!!! OMG! Yes I have permission!

iPhone 6 Plus and Snapseed

I just much prefer the suggestive, rather than the explicit, when it comes to moments in tango. But I couldn't really say this, if I could not produce "normal" images too... You see, it IS still so important, for me to have to prove something. Why??

I loved capturing Dasha at work. And I wanted it (I needed it) to be normal, so that I COULD be as blurry as I wanted...

iPhone 6 Plus and Snapseed

When I dance, the world is not real. It is not normal. The world REALLY feels as I try to depict in these two nutty photos. I mean, a clean tango night is... I can't even imagine that. 

Insistence

Two days later, the First Saturday Milonga at Eastern Market. Unhappiness from my first outing with my Leica M9, into the dark dance environment, I resolved to find the proper spirit.

Caught by Melody

I set my camera to ISO 800, super slow shutter speed. and f2.

I found the settings in LR5 that I liked, given the environment at Eastern Market, and I created a custom filter in Silver Efex to post-process. And you know what??? OK the images are crappy but they HAVE WHAT I LIKE in them! And anyway I am known for "my kind of crappy." That is to say, it's pretty easy to spot my photos because... well, they are not in focus, they are messy, and, yeah... did I mention messy?

Three hours sleep. After the morning market at Dupont Circle, with too-much-light, but hey I am not complaining. (note: tangueros and tangueras are crazy people who lose the ability to sleep.)

I love the M9. It keeps me honest. And let me tell you, it kind of hurts.

Well That Was Difficult

I was giddy about using the Leica M9 at the milonga. More giddy than dancing. There was a time, when I couldn't wait to get to a milonga (EARLY!) to dance the night away. And now, I find myself more and more preferring to stay behind the lens, to practice my craft... For years, the embraces with beautiful women, the hauntingly beautiful music, and the endless gliding steps around the dance floor, brought so much pleasure, peace... And now, passions change, I suppose...

I knew the tango scene would be difficult for the M9. And the images, to my dismay, reflected the challenges I forced upon the machine, which had left my jaws on the floor, earlier in the morning, with the bright white white sunlight into my home, and the images that I captured of my family. But I had to find out...

I had the 40mm Summicron-C at the widest f2 aperture; I dared pushed the ISO to 2000, and I had little choice but to slow the shutter down to 1/15 second... It was just... not easy.

As I worked through the images, after the milonga, late into the night, my excitement turned to dismay. "Oh well, what do I do now??" I thought about the Sony A7s, and I was surprised at myself, "come on, you DON'T LIKE its appearance, its 'too many-ness.' Why do you keep forgetting that?"

It was the first real night out, with my M9. I don't know it yet. My fingers don't know where to go yet. In time, I will find the sweet spot, the way that the M9 wants to remember those moments in the night.

Acceptance?

infatuation

Love at first sight...

I waited a very long time, having tried dozens of cameras... Once even owned the Leica M8, but it wasn't my time to understand it. Finally, the decision came down to (remember, earlier, I mentioned that I had a pot of money, because I sold a bunch of cameras?) the Sony A7s or the Leica M9.

The A7s would make my tango photography much much easier. But I did not enjoy the A7. There were too many buttons, too many this, too many that... The M8... well, it was a difficult camera to love, even though the beauty rendered (at base ISO) left me breathless...

I thought it was clunky, too thick for me to hold. I traded it away for a Nikon D800...

My friends know that I am vain, very. And deep inside, I wanted to brag that "I" took the images. I wanted to know that my photos, good or bad, were because of me, and not because of some fancy feature on a camera. I wanted people to associate the photo to me, and not to the fancy camera. OK, I know that I don't really "own" the photo, I need the machine. I just... well, I hope you know what I mean...

Anyway, I wavered, on an M9 (well-used, beaten-up, lots of brassing), and lost out to another buyer. And I was super sad. And then Christian posted his M9 and 40mm Summicron-C on the for-sale board. I could no longer resist. But I changed my mind. Perhaps the A7s would be more sane, more reasonable, more "correct." I told him that I couldn't do it. He understood. I knew he would understand my anguish. Anyway, we wished each other well... Within the hour, I wrote back and told him I was sending him the money.

I COULD NOT WAIT to try the camera. I pointed it at ridiculous objects.

And robots.

And Irina...

And Max...

You know what's crazy? Straight out of camera, no alterations (except crop).

I love the giddiness I feel. I love the feeling very much.

Towards Light

I cannot express enough love for my gorgeous Fuji X100...

... with the adorable Snow Peak Mini Hozuki Lantern...

Micro Purpose

I set auto ISO to 6400, shutter speed at 1/30, and manual focus. I pick some random object at about 10 feet away, and pre-focus the lens. And then I step out of the apartment, into the night, with a micro purpose.

I want people to see that I am taking pictures. I am not going to be sneaky. Well ok, not one micro purpose. Several.

To capture images on the street, of people, is very easy. To capture interesting images of people on the street, ridiculously difficult. So I ease myself, I take a shitty photo of a building, "with people."

Shitty picture of a building. Yawn.

But here is the thing: I crouch into a wide stance, I take forever to focus (because I had previously set to about 10 feet, and I just basically ruined my plan..), and I am OBVIOUSLY taking a picture. Not too far away, I see a man in a wheelchair, my brain says, "hmmm this is an interesting shot, because, man-in-wheelchair-against-the-stream-of-oncoming-everyone-else-people." It's a stupid idea. But my micro-purpose tonight is to make it obvious that I am taking pictures. So I crouch into my wide stance again, I lift the camera to my eye, and I focus. Now, everyone but the man sees what I am doing. I think, better than the building shot.

The man and I are waiting for the light. And I think, "oh another interesting shot." (Look, I know the shots are stupid. But I am in my 10,000 crappy photo journey, so, it's got to be this way, for a long long time.) And I compose, shoot, compose, shoot, repeat. He turns to me, says something that I can't hear. I walk towards him, and show him the picture of himself. "Oh man that's nice." I pat him on his shoulder, I say, "Thank you."

I try a new restaurant.

I have coffee. And I play with my Digilux 1.

In Which Boxy Adorable Is More Important

Finally the Leica Digilux 1 arrived. The battery hardly holds a charge anymore. Don't care. The moment I took it out of the box, I was drawn by the chunky boxy silver+black and pretty much everything about the way it looks. I continue to be a sucker for beautiful things.

This point-and-shoot, from 2002, is large. Today, I think point-and-shoot means tiny, in shirt pocket, you know, smart phone sized. But the Digilux 1 is most certainly not pocketable. I am glad about that. I like to hold it. It is not too easy to hold. It is surprisingly slippery. Don't care.

I tried the camera in low-light, my normal tango thing. Fail. Just too difficult. The photos from the Digilux 1 were uniformly "terrible," except that... I loved the ways that they were terrible. I know, I have a serious problem.

But since I don't get paid (not quite true, but true enough) to take pictures, my camera doesn't have to be flawless. It can be temperamental, as long as it is the kind of temperamental that pushes my gush-my-love buttons.

I was able to convince these two lovely pieces of toast to be my model. Interesting the low shutter speed here... I haven't looked at the specs (remember I told you that I was too busy coo-ing?) and yet the lovely toasts were in focus. I like the way that Digilux 1 (perhaps I will call it Digil) rendered the complexion on the crusts.

I had to pay these chairs to model for me. I am glad that I did. They have such beautiful legs.

Adore.

On the Eve of Acquiring a Leica M9

I am about to bought a Leica M9. Long story, another time. A nutty story..

Anyway, I took out my Fuji X100 to the 18th Street Lounge Milonga. I am beginning to understand it, to understand the meaning behind the symbols in the viewfinder.

Last week, Jake (at Eastern Market Tango Club) asked me about my photographs from 2 weeks ago... I said, "well, I used my $100 camera... and my $4000 camera." He laughed and laughed and laughed. "But more importantly," I said, "I realized, fuck realism." He nodded. He, a poet, translator, dancer, understood me.

Early last year, fed up that I was not growing, that I was creating more of the same, I told him that I was going to stop taking photos at Eastern Market, that I felt stale. I was bored. Jake told me, "Do whatever you want to do with your photography here. This is your place to explore. You are always exploring and challenging yourself (and other things that he told me that I am not going to bore you with)..."

So I stuck with it. I looked for new ways to grow. I looked for my true self (oh my.. so trite, but, I was really trying to understand "art," when I had been, my entire life, "engineer.")

Anyways, I have been on this, "fuck it" mentality. I shot, with absolute care-free mind...

I shot, believing that what I did with my camera was justifiably mine.

I pointed my camera into the space before me. I saw the dancers, and I believed in myself.

Sometimes You Just Have to Bring Out the Big Guns

Note to self: for some images, bring out the big guns. The adorable Pentax Q just cannot capture the details, in the way that I know my other cameras can.

... this is beautiful bullshit...

I could have brought a tripod. I could have taken time to set up the shot. I didn't. I mean, I pat myself for stopping the car, for spending 10 minutes trying different angles, different camera settings.. But, in the dusk, with the sun nearly disappearing (well... it WAS after work..) I knew that I needed stabilization, but... the truth: lazy.

Lesson to self: do it the right way, as much as possible. Otherwise, shut up.

Using The Leica T to Take Crappy Photos

The Leica Vario-Elmar-T 18-56mm f/3.5-5.6 ASPH Lens arrived! I went to the Eastern Market Tango Club Milonga, super excited to try it out. I was in trouble, with the low light and fast-moving dancers.  In my mind: "No problem. I am going to take crappy photos and I am going to be super happy with my new toy!"

I mean, what's the point of using a $4,500 gear combination (yes I know don't go there I am a camera junkie money has no meaning) to take crappy photos? Why bother? What's wrong with me? What kind of photographer am I?

Yeah... good points...

It's not enough that I have inferiority issues, and at the same time, I have strong opinions about what I like and what I don't like. This, I don't understand, but anyway.

In 2015, other than camera phones (because of their slow response time and long focus time), cameras are just, simply, awesome. Really, there is no justifiable reason that any photo should be crappy... except, oh right, a person "made" that photo.

I guess there is a difference between deliberately taking crappy photos (because it's just too damned difficult to take a good photo) versus try to take a good shot and I am just crappy at it. But this is, and I am getting to the camera junkie part, TOTALLY different from the choice of gear. I love the Leica T because (yes, again, enamored by the looks) it is so damned beautiful. It is so ridiculously sensuous to touch. It's too expensive? Yes. It's fun. It's not even the best camera or the right camera to use for this environment. Yes. But I am a camera junkie. I use a camera to touch it, to look at it, to adore it, and by the way, to take pictures.

I try very hard to take good pictures. I do. I have very strong opinions. I love my shots, even if they are crappy. I love them for very personal reasons. And I am working on accepting that.